Imma Firin Mah Lazar
by BellatrixLestrangey
Summary: What happens when the Homunculus come across the music channel? Lust gets a magnificent idea. One that annoys both Envy and Dante. What wonderful adventure will come of Lust's new 'toy?
1. A Whole New Level Of Chaos

Imma Firin Mah Lazar

**Contains mild language and things of that nature. Don't like, please do hit the back button.**

"Once upon a time… wtf is this? Why would you want to hear such a stupid story?" Lust flung the picture book at Wrath. "Ow! Ok ok Lust, you don't have to be so mean, I thought I was Wrath!" Wrath growled. "Hey guys guess what!" Envy shouted. "What?" asked Lust hopping of Gluttony (whom she was using as a chair). "I found this odd tv channel humans watch!" Envy exclaimed. "Fascinating." Lust looked unfazed by Envy's amazing discovery. "Come take a look." Greed shouted from in the other room. Lust sat in front of the tv. "Gluttony, get over here! You know I hate sitting on the floor!" "Ok Lust." Gluttony said and lumbered his way over to Lust. "The people in this show sure sing a lot." Sloth observed. "That's because it's the _music channel_." Pride pointed out. "Shut up, the song is coming on!" Envy barked. "Who is Lady Gaga?" Lust asked "I don't know, she reminds me of you though." Greed remarked. At first Lust seemed to hate this Gaga woman, but as the song played on it struck Lust; "Oh my God, this woman is brilliant!" she remarked at the sight of Lady Gaga's lazar bra! "What is?" Envy asked. "That lazar bra!" Lust shouted. "No Lust. That's just stupid." Envy insisted. Lust ignored him and bought one anyhow. "Are you kidding me?" Envy asked at the sight of Lust wearing a lazar bra "You look stupid." He did a small facepalm. Lust frowned, clearly unhappy about Envy's disproval. "Imma firin mah lazar!" Lust shrieked and blasted Envy with her new bra. "Damn it Lust!" Envy shouted. "Whoa.' Wrath gasped "The power level of that bra… it's over 9000!" "Wait, what?" Envy asked. "I don't know, I heard Greed say it." Wrath answered. "Greed has some issues." Envy sighed. "And Lust… she has even bigger ones." "That's what he said!" Sloth screamed and dashed across the room. "Lust, what are you doing?" Envy asked at the sight of Lust leaning over the table firing her lazar. "Making toast with mah lazar! It's like _sooo _much funer then using a toaster." Lust informed him as she continued heating her toast. "Awww, I burnt it." Lust whined. "There is something very wrong with you, Lust." Envy frowned. "Imma firin mah-" Lust started. "I don't think so!" Envy growled. Before Lust could fire her lazar again, Envy left the room. "Lust" Dante yelled "What are you doing?" "Well… I was firin mah lazar at Envy because he said there's something wrong with me and it hurt my feelings" Lust answered. "Lust, you don't have feelings…" Dante pointed out. "Oh yeah. Well… I refuse to stand here and be insulted!" Lust declared. "Well then have a seat princess!" Greed grinned. "Imma-" Lust started. Dante thumped the back of Lust's head. "No you aren't!" Dante yelled. "Bitch, shut up and make meh a sammich!" Lust glared at Dante. "I am in charge here!" Dante shirked "_You _make _me _a sammich!" "What time is it?" Lust asked "_Adventure Time._" Wrath yelled. "NO, YOU IDIOT! It's lazar time!" Lust positioned her lazars. _Bzzzt_! Lust fired at Dante, who let out a chain of profundities and leapt out of the way. "Are you out of your mind?" Dante got louder with every word. "No! You people just don't appreciate my creativity!" Lust insisted. "I appreciate it." Gluttony called. "At least someone here is open minded." Lust took another shot at Dante. "NO, he is small brained. A brick is smarter then that mindless human-ape!" Dante told Lust. "Imma firin mah lazar!" Lust yelled and shot at Dante for a third time. "Ya know, maybe you'd actually hit me if you don't tell me when you are going to shoot!" Dante suggested. "Or I could just do this!" Lust smirked. She then began firing her lazars non-stop at a high speed. Dante screamed and tried dodging. "Honestly woman, doesn't that hurt your boobs!" "Not at all." Lust yelled over the sound of her lazars. Lust began cackling madly "I am Sailor Lust, and in the name of the moon I shall punish you!" "Calm yo tits!" Dante scolded. "Silence, I keel you!" Lust declared. With that said, she blasted Dante with her lazar and scorched the woman. "I am victorious!" Lust bellowed. "Can I eat her now, Lust?" Gluttony questioned. "Sure, Gluttony." Lust answered with a self satisfied smile. "Dear lord, what just happened, what did I just witness?" Pride asked. "Lust went berserk with her new attire and murdered Dante" Envy explained. "You're next Envy" Lust grinned "I'm gonna blast you so hard, you won't even have time to scream." "That's what she said!" Sloth laughed and darted across the room. "Imma firin mah lazar!" Lust blasted Sloth "Your bra creeps me out." Envy's eye twitched. Lust blasted him with the lazar. "Weren't you going to warn me by saying Imma firin mah lazar?" Envy asked. "Dante said that was an ineffective method." Lust pointed out. "She was right… wait a minute, you said it before you blasted Sloth." Envy said. "Yeah, but then I put some thought into it…" Lust trailed off. "Can you just take that thing off?" Envy asked. "Of course not, this bra is my pride and happiness!" Lust shared. "I ain't yo bitch!" Pride interrupted. "Shut up, can't you see Imma fighting with Envy." Lust yelled. "Lust, you fail at life." Envy stated monotonously. "Let me count the f***s I give 1…2…3… Oh no, they just flew away!" Lust frowned. "Ugg, why did Greed introduce us to this human stuff anyways?" Envy groaned.

**For those of you who are wondering; yes I Lust, I make fun of my favorite characters. Yes I do plan on continuing this fic in the near future.**


	2. The Great Bra Battle

Imma Firin Mah Lazar

"I started this whole thing because I'm awesome" Greed declared. "Not as awesome as this!" Lust exclaimed and took her lazar bra to a whole new level. "I found out it has a celebration mode!" She grinned and fired off (instead of her typical lazar) a bunch of fireworks. "How freaking dazzling." Envy remarked sarcastically. "Why thank you!" Lust bowed. "That was actually pretty epic." Greed admitted. "You think that's epic… you should see party mode!" Lust seemed ecstatic. "Party mode?" Greed, Envy, and Wrath asked all at once. "Oh yeah…" Lust smirked. She then turned on party mode. Strobe lights flashed and flashed many colors. "This bra is a multi-purpose bra! It even plays music!" Lust shouted and turned on born this way. "This is getting ridiculous." Pride frowned. "PARTY HARD" Lust practically screamed. "We have _got_ to get rid of that damn bra." Envy said to Wrath. "That's what she said!" Sloth called from in the kitchen. "Will you stop that?" Envy snapped. "It's almost as bad as Lust's freaking bra!" "Hey! y bra is amazing!" Lust declared "You. Are just jealous that you don't have one too. You wanna know how I know you're jealous?" Lust didn't wait for his response. "It's because your name is Envy, you are envious of my sexy bra. That's it!" An idea suddenly came to Lust. She dashed out the door. "Oh great, she's gonna show her bra to the world now." Envy sighed. Lust darted across the street. She then ran into the Elric brothers. "Oh hi there, Fullmetal! Have you seen my new lazar bra yet?" She smiled stupidly. "Um… no." Ed replied. "Nor have I." Al answered. "Well take a look!" Lust discarded her jacket. "Put your jacket back on, woman!" Ed cried. "Naw, I don't feel like it. I was getting hot anyhow." Lust informed the Elric brothers. "Al, turn and look the other way!" Ed muttered. But Al was to stunned to turn around, he simply stared, dumbstruck at the nearly topless Homunculus standing shamelessly before him. "Look what it can do." Lust chirped excitedly. She fired her lazars. The lazar beams bounced right back into Lust. "Oh shit." Lust looked shocked. The lazar hit her right in the face, she toppled backwards. "Well, that hurt." Lust announced as she stood up once more. "Brother… can you buy me one of those!" Al asked. "No Alphonse. I will _not_ buy you a bra." Ed slapped his continued down the street. "Envy is gonna be so freaking excited!" Lust grinned. She pushed the door to Winry's Secret (Yes, Winry owns a bra shop) open. "Hey Winry, ya have 6 more lazar bras?" "Oh yeah, I have tons! I also saved a new one for you…"Winry went to the back of the store. "Behold, it's the lazar bra 3.5!" "It's amazing." Lust squealed. She purchased all 7 bras and went back home. "Ok guys, so Envy helped me realize…" Lust started "That you need to take that damn thing off!" Envy interrupted. "No. I realized that you guys were jealous that I have a lazar bra, and you all don't. _sooo _I went out of my way to buy everyone here a lazar bra! Because I am such a nice person." "No Lust, you are not a person. You are a homunculus, and shall always be a homunculus." Sloth pointed out. "Because I am such a nice homunculus" Lust corrected. "I. Am. Not. Wearing that." Envy snarled. "But I bought it special." Lust whimpered. "Are you kidding me?" Envy sighed. "No Lust cried, " I went all the way over to Winry's secret, got Al to want a bra, and spent money just for you guys. And none of you even appreciate my gift!" "Fine" Envy sighed "I will wear… the bra!" This news excited Lust, and by the end of the day all the homunculus were wearing bras. "You all look so sexy" Lust remarked. "This is actually pretty cool." Sloth agreed. "Oh not you too." Pride sulked. "We should all play lazar tag." Lust suggested. "That's a great idea." Sloth agreed again. "That just sounds like a trip to Painsville, and I refuse to take that road trip!" Envy disagreed. "We are playing lazar bra tag!" Lust growled. "She is out of her mind!" Wrath yelled. "Lust, Lust" Gluttony called. "Yes Gluttony?" Lust asked. "How do you play lazar tag?" Gluttony asked. "Just shoot off your lazar at anyone of us. And whoever dies and comes back to life ten times is eliminated." Lust explained the rules. "This is insane, now the hag is making us kill each other.' Envy complained. "Shut up you human… homunculus-palm tree! No one asked you anyways!" Lust hissed. "I'm going to kill you." Envy growled. "You can kill me as much as you please… if it's during a game of lazar bra tag." Lust smiled. "Fine, but if I win, you must discard your lazar bras. All the lazar bras! And never put any of them on again!" Envy smirked. "And if I win, you shall wear lazar bras every day, for the rest of your existence!" Lust gave him a smirk evil enough to match his own. "Deal" Envy bargained. And with that the lazar bra tag began. Lazar after lazar fired off, making the room glow many colors. Homunculus rose and fell again until it was just Lust and Envy. "It's party mode time!" AN evil grin spread its way across Lust's face. "I'm gonna have to wear bras forever." Envy winced. To his fortune, something unexpected happened; one of Lust's rapidly firing lazars reflected off a mirror and hit the homunculus-woman. Envy smiled "I win I win I win!" he cheered. "Lucky me!" Lust retreated into Wrath's emo corner and started crying. 3 days later; "Come on Lust, cheer up." Sloth (who still had her lazar bra on) called. "But I miss my lazar bra!" Lust wailed. "We were best friends! Envy is such a jerk." "I know what'll get your mind off of it." Sloth smiled" Let's go watch the human shows again." "Ok." Lust sighed. They turned on the music channel and the song started to play. "This guy sounds like a girl" Sloth declared. "He's adorable." Lust remarked. "He cannot sing" Sloth frowned. "His voice is angelic." Lust stated. "The lyric suck" Sloth said. "The lyrics are beautiful." Lust disagreed. An hour later Lust walked into the house wearing a pink 'I Bieber' T-shirt. "Someone call the doctor, I contracted Bieber fever!"


End file.
